HOME
I've always been someone to enjoy independence, yet also thirst for community. Living here in Canmore I cerainly have gotten a great balance of both, skiing and climbing with the same group of people for 3 months but also returning to a location where I reside on my own, with few others to commune with.
Before I came here, I was excited for my life on the road. The constant adventures, meeting new people, living outside my comfort zone, and just always being active. Now I am here, I've experienced a heck of a lot in a really short period of time, and I have a few thoughts about living out of a backpack and what "home" really means to me.
For those unaware, my nights not spent on the mountain are spent at the Alpine Club hostel, which has been a fantastic place that is quite comfortable for me to relax, recharge, do some laudry, and get ready for the next trip that is generally fast approaching. on 9 out of 10 nights, I am the only one from program staying at the ACC clubhouse, so I am gernerally all on my own as strangers from across the globe come and go to pursue their own mountain adventures.
Each time I leave for a trip, my reservation at the hostel ends, so I have to pack all my gear and food back into my car and park it while I head off to the hills. This has proven to be quite a challenge as my mountain of gear is hard to contain into the confinements of a small car and the organization becomes difficult and tedious to say the least. Occasionally private bookings eat up all the vacancies at the ACC, leaving me to stay at the Rocky Mountain Ski Lodge where I get a spacious private room with a kitchen and bathroom all to myself. Let me tell you, after 2 months of sleeping in a room or tent with many others nex to you, the joys of a private room cannot be understated.
So here I am, living on my own, but also constantly surrounded by strangers. All my belongings are in my car, which is something I have always wanted to try, but now that I am in it I think to myself "can this lifestyle be sustained?" I know that many people have done this sort of thing before me, and some have a personality suited for the road. But what I've noticed is that whenever I am not skiing or climbing, a life on the road is a difficult one. Even though I'm not necessarily the type to be overly enthusiastic and outgoing around others I don't know well, I find myself constantly needing someone to share experiences with. This is tough in Canmore, there are strangers all around, but meaningful interaction with them is bascially impossible unless they are also on their own. I found all the people I meet here have come with friends and family and therefore have essentially closed themselves off to interaction with others. The people I have comuned most closely with are the ones who find themselves in a situation most like mine, trying to find their way on their own, spending their days reading at coffee shops alone, or spending an afternoon cleaning gear in the basement on their own.
I left Jackie behind in Lethbridge, not to abandon her, and not even to go off and find my own experiences. This is just what the circumstance demanded, and I am proud of her for making the most of it and going off to have her "on the road experience" while I have mine. But here I am writing this with a community of mountain climbers all around me, but feeling alone. I always felt that the mountains are where I belonged, and I still feel that way, but this does not mean that the mountains are my home. For me, home is where experiences are shared with others you love. I could spend a week on my own in the mountains surrounded by unfathomable beauty and peace, but still find the experience dry and lacking.
I am so thankful to have Jackie in my life, someone to share all my experiences with, from the daily ups and downs to lifes most exciting moments. I sit here in Canmore, and Jackie is spending her first day in Scotland. It hard to be experiencing things without the person I have spent the last 2 and half years experiencing every moment with. But at the same time, I am exstatic that we each get our own experiences that are perfect for us. For me its climbing, for her its exploring culture and far away cities, towns, and countrysides.
For me, Canmore has been everything I wanted and more, but life on the road was an experiment for me which yielded different results than I expected. I thought that getting on the road would make me thirst for more, but it has just made want to return home. Home is not Lethbridge, it's not the ACC, its wherever I have community. Tomorrow I start the Alpine Rock climbing section and I'm so excited to do it with the friends I've made here. Life alone is hard but all my adventures have been with others, and I am thankful for the amazing friends I've made. But as I return to Canmore and have days off to relax and recharge, I am reminded of the lonliness that exists here, and being distracted by activity on goes so far. Real experiences need to be shared.
I miss Jackie dearly, and I can't wait for the day that she returns, but I am so excited that she gets to travel the world with one of her closest friends, and that she will be reminded of who she is and what home means for her. Whether thats a life on the road, or a life in communion, a life with a white picket fence, or a mix of many things. Best of luck Jackie, I had to live three hours from Lethbridge to find out more about myself, I know that you'll be learning so much about yourself halfway across the world.
Never settle.
- C.G